I’ll be honest. I’m a 34″ waist. Have been ever since middle age kicked in and banished my previous 32″ waisted life. So how come I bought a brand new (gorgeous) pair of leather jeans that were a mere 30″ waist – and I can fit into them?
Well, before we get to the ‘miracle’ part, let me take you back a bit. You know how it is when you see something and then become obsessed with it (and no, I’m not just talking about that new guy in town)? Well, it all started for me when I saw a pair of MisterB FXXXer jeans on a guy at one of our UNION events (see left).
Notice how they just stand out? For the uninitiated, FXXER jeans are the brainchild of those clever guys over at MisterB who know all about good design and quality products. They are the jeans in the middle of the picture with the white piping around the arse. Guys’ eyes cannot fail to be drawn towards the butt. But wait until you see what the jeans have in store for you when the guy turns around. A stylish front package built into the jeans that enhances and surrounds all that we love. The contouring of the jeans is outstanding, designed to show off a guy’s assets both front and rear to their very best. Add to that a full front to back zip along with a tight thigh and butt hugging cut and you have a yourself a stunning item of fetish clothing. You can see how I became obsessed by them! I started noticing them in photoshoots of horny men, on sexy guys in the clubs and even on a 10 foot mural in a fetish bar. I decided I had to investigate further.
“What size have you got there?” he responded.
“And what size are the jeans you have on now?”
“Well, you won’t be needing these then. Let me get you the right size.”
Okay I thought. Must be one of those occasions when I have to swallow my pride and admit that I might have to go up another jean size. After all, I know leather jeans can sometimes be cut on the ‘economical’ side, so I assumed Steve was looking for slightly larger pair.
He returned – with a pair of 30 inch FXXer jeans!
“30 inch? You’re kidding me! I won’t fit into those!”
“Trust me,” he said with just the slightest glint of knowing smile. How could I refuse? So off I headed into the booth to try them on.
Now I probably should have mentioned that I was not visiting this store alone. No. The rest of the LeatherWest delegation had come in for a quick browse before we headed off for a meal. After all, this was only going to take a few minutes wasn’t it?
So, I stripped of my regular jeans and began pulling on the FXXer jeans. The feel of the leather encasing my legs as I pulled them on, was amazing. Pity this only lasted until I reached my thighs. And there the jeans stuck! See, I knew they wouldn’t fit.
“How are you getting on?” asked Steve from outside the booth.
“Yeah, going to need a larger size.” I replied.
“Hang on, let me see.”
So in comes the ever helpful Steve to check on the sizing and let me be brutally honest here – a lot of pulling, shoving, straining and exasperation ensued as we worked together to get my chunky legs down into the tubes of supple leather. Between us, the best we could manage was getting them up to thigh height. I had a glow of “I told you they wouldn’t fit” about me and was confident that we would be soon trying a size larger. Oh no! This was only the start. Steve wasn’t done.
“Grab hold of the changing room door,” he said, “and jump up and down while I tug the jeans up you.” Errr, come again?! With further instruction (I suspect he’s done this before) we quickly got into a steady rhythm. As I jumped up and propelled myself upwards using the door as leverage, Steve would be ready to yank the jeans up my legs as I descended back into them. We actually established quite a good pace, matching each others movements in what can only be described as “Zepedee goes Leather Shopping”. Needless to say, the jeans made some progress up my thighs, but we were nowhere near getting the waistband any nearer to its correction location. So time to try a different method.
At this point, I became aware of another guy in the next-door booth, seemingly having the same issues. I knew this because Bart was helping him out in the same way and together we had both adopted this bizarre up and down rhythm in our relative changing stalls. Much to the amusement of the LeatherWest posse looking on, we both looked like Bill and Ben the Flower Pot men playing peek-a-boo!
It was at this point that you have to appreciate what we go through to achieve our desired look. Is it worth it? Of course it is. And it is that spirit that drove me and my changing room buddy onwards. It now became a battle (as well as a matter of pride) – not so much mind over matter, but leather over middle-age spread! The jeans had moved further up my legs and we were making progress. The waistband was approaching my waist, although since these jeans a low cut, they only really needed to get as far as my hips! So time for a change of approach. Stepping out of the cubicle to share our progress with our assembled audience (now joined by a few more customers) Bart and Steve decided drastic measures were called for. Time for a leather sandwich!
Steve and Bart get to work with their trademark personal customer service!
With Steve working on the jeans from behind and Bart attending to matters at the front, the jeans were making progress. Needless to say, I was loving the attention! As the gorgeous leather hide encased more of my legs and rose up the shape and fit of these superbly crafted jeans could clearly be seen. We even managed to get one of the waist fastening to snap close! Shame there were two that needed to meet. Nevertheless, I could see the potential. I could see that these jeans would fit. I could visualise how great they would look. I convinced myself that steering clear of cakes and biscuits (my other passion) would help and pay big rewards for my leather self-esteem and that these jeans would make the statement I was hoping for. So, I decided to complete my purchase. The first time I’ve ever left a shop with clothes that didn’t fit! However, Bart had given me some great advice and showed me his own Fxxer jeans that were also a 30″. He shared with me that the jeans respond really well to being slept in. The warmth of the body over the course of a few nights while sleeping in the jeans, allows them to take on the shape of the wearer.
So as soon as I got home, that’s what I did. For two nights I slipped on the jeans before retiring to bed. The smell as the fresh leather warmed up kept me in a horny state all night, I can tell you! The feel as the leather eased itself to my contours was so sensual and waking up in the morning being hugged by soft tight leather is a beautiful way to start the day. So, as a result of Bart and Steve’s work and two night’s of leather clad slumber, the jeans now fit like a glove and, dare I admit it, I look rather hot in them! And they feel so sexy to wear! So as LeatherWest packs its bags for another trip to Belgium Leather Pride and with weight loss New Year’s Resolutions already faded, it’s an appropriate time to tell this story. I hope you enjoyed it as much as I enjoy wearing the jeans!